WHY IS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?

Tales of a 24 year old nothing

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:16:44 GMT

Like a dirty secret or the painful discovery of a non-existent Santa Claus, I have discovered that which is the so called, adulthood. The point at which the ever rising crescendo of the increasingly challenging college years fall off into an anti-climactic void, fill-able only with motivations and self-confidence I do not posses. With all the glee of a child discovering the tooth fairy no longer exists I realize all the "cool" and "challenging" careers are for other people and the promises of all the things you can achieve were not so much for you but for those who really needed to believe all this time that you could be anything other than their own existences. Instead of "Tales of a 4th grade nothing," I am only slightly better off than a nobody living in their mother's basement. "Tales of a 24 year old nothing." Gee, I hope I get that job at the coffee shop. "You can be anything" becomes "You can serve anyone" becomes "Maybe you can pay your own bills." Upon discovering that Santa isn't real you wonder to yourself why the idea is perpetuated. I wonder now why everyone insists on telling children they can do anything. Is it to encourage their efforts or to bolster our own now lost dreams? For me it was always a distant, shadowy expectation that along with being locked in a room to do my homework and no one apparently believing I would do my homework, made me hate school and all that it stood for. Everyone always said "You can be great" and I thought, "Do they know me?" and "What if I don't want to be?" To the day I find myself longing simply for an uneventful home life interspersed only with the happiness of people and uncomplicated years passing. Drama seems to follow me, if only because I have always hated it. The absolute positive words of greeting cards and encouragements were always partially lost on me as were the melodramatic demands of hyper emotional adolescents or anyone resembling them. I always believed neither extreme to be real, only a falsehood that represented one extreme, necessary for understanding our own boundaries. So now, I am coping with my actual surprise at the realization that life is again one of these inevitable middle ground territories. Why didn't I know it all along?

P.S. For anyone worried about me because of a depressing post such as this, don't be. Usually a long rant in person or a even a post online, on my part completes contemplation and precedes action. I have sorted my thoughts, hopefully I am already acting on them by the time anyone reads this.

Death Cab for Cutie and Life

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:40:53 GMT

*WARNING SAD POST*

"What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

These guys are true emo, capturing a moment and it's emotion perfectly. When I hear that song, I think of when my Grandma died. Also I think of what my dad told me about when she died. She had a stroke and afterwords she smiled at him and only half her face worked right. So, half her face lit up when saw him and he knew it wasn't really her anymore. He said that when they had to make the choice to pull the plug on the machine it wasn't hard because they already know she was gone. The hard part was seeing her try to smile at them, and knowing she didn't know who they were anymore. They say that when people find out they have some sort of terminal illness they really begin to live. My Grandma knew already that she had cancer and it helped her decide to come to Arkansas and live with my family for a while. In a way, only in death did I really have a part of her life. I hear that song, 'what Sarah said', and I think about how I might not make it anymore without my Daddy because he is my rock, and my wisdom and my voice of reason we just understand each other. My Mom has been sick most of her life and I guess you could say that she has sort of prepared me for the idea of losing her. I depend on her for a lot but the idea has been in my head as long as I can remember that she might not be there later, when or if I get married or have my own kids. My Dad on the other hand I never worried about as much, so when the realization hit me it was wholey new. I guess you could say that it was like deja vu but sadder.

Movie Listings

Tue, 05 May 2009 16:23:24 GMT

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 94 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 244 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.

Total 96

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 3
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Robin Hood Men in Tights
(x) Airplane
Total: 10/12

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 17/24

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17/35

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 23/45

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 29/56

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 31/68

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 33/82

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 38/92

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 41/107

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Ultimatum
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 44/124

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 49/136

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
( ) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 54/150

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Spider-Man 3
(x) IronMan
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 65/170

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 68/180

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 74/186

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 74/196

( ) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Hott Fuzz
( ) Willard
Total so far: 80/206

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 82/216

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 85/226

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 91/234

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total so far: 96/244

just to get things 'straight'

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:02:57 GMT

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Who knew?

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:49:02 GMT

thinking

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:47:12 GMT

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images
And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
That God Himself did make
Us into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay
And true it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you're away
When I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now" they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now" but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
It sounded thin upon listening
And that frankly will not fly
You'll hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now" they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now" but we'll stay

Crit by wall of text!!!

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:16:56 GMT

     Ok it's official; the 'family curse' has hit me. A few of you may have heard me say at one time or another that Graves Disease runs in my family. Well, it looks like it finally hit me. I have routine blood tests for it periodically and after not having done one in a while I thought last week "I should call in and make an appointment for that." stupid, stupid me.
     I am currently on a diet you see, I have been eating better than I ever have in my life before and I have only managed to get my weight to level off. I have put on more than 30 pounds since I got in to college and most of that in the last 3 years. For about the last year I have been napping in the daytime, sleeping past 10, having trouble "popping out of bed" when the alarm goes off and feeling exausted even after 8 or 9 or more hours of sleep. Some of those things may seem normal to you but for me, they are not normal at all. I am a morning person, I get upset if I sleep past 11, it means I am sick, I slept in til noon on Sunday without a second thought later. That is not normal for me. There are a whole list of smaller connectable symptoms including high tryglicorides and cholesterol. These things can all be connected but also may stand on their own. Last week, the health center called me with the results. They told me that my T3T4 was 'extremely low', but my TSH was 'normal' and these things didn't really match up. They didn't give me numbers over the phone, I was supposed to follow up with them. Well, I told my mom what was going on and she ordered tests at her own doctors clinic. I woke up at the crack of dawn to have blood drawn Monday and went in at 3:45 to go over the results yesterday. Anyways, here is the technical stuff.
     According to the standard diagnosis of thyroid disease, in this case hypothyroidism or failure of the thyroid gland to produce T3T4 compounds that help to regulate your metabolism, your TSH level or the level of the hormone your brain uses to talk to your thyroid gland should be high, because the gland is not responding so the brain sends stronger signals, so to speak. High is defined as 5.0 or more (not sure what that measures exactly, sorry science nerds). It turns out my TSH is at 3.8, so not 5.0 or over.
     Now the doctor that I was seeing yesterday keeps up on his endocrynology. He has a lot of patients with thyroid and pancriatic problems of all types. He said that there is a whole school of thought that says that 5.0 is much too high, especially since different people have different metabolisms and factors effecting their metabolisms. This in mind he pulled up a TSH test on my from about 2 years ago on record that showed me at 1.0. That is a big increase for 2 years. Between that, family history and all the symptoms from above he said he didn't think it was rash at all to believe that my thyroid is in the process of failing but is still functioning some and has put me on a very low dose of synthroid or synthetic thyroid. I am going to take and go back after 2 months for another full work up. It will take about 2 months for these doses to show a change in the brain chemistry/TSH levels. Then we'll be sure.
     All I have to say is three, life long treatment plans in less than a year. Glaucoma, migraines and now this. How much am I supposed to take?   I also keep expecting people to think I am a drama queen or not want me because I am too much trouble or something. Like it is my fault that I got dealt a crappy genetic hand.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:20:25 GMT

Blender Defender and vacation

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 19:20:30 GMT

Spent the weekend in Fort Worth, Texas with family last weekend; pics up shortly. I haven't been able to visit with my cousin Danny and his wife Hui since I was about 8 and I haven't seen my uncle and aunt Dan & Mavis since I was probably 12 so it was enlightening for all involved. I met Danny and Hui's two kids Danny and Dana. Yes I was really confused the first day but we got everything sorted out quickly and then it was just fun. Amazing food the whole time of course. They taught me to make chinese pork dumplings from scratch which was very exciting. Hoping to get to try that out soon. Of course coming back was just right past the pan and straight in to the fire OMG. So I spent this week catching up on everything that makes me crazy. Meanwhile the 3.0 patch came out for WoW and I got to try it out.... last night. That is right folks, I was that delayed spam of achievements that happened just after it had finally gotten quiet. Until I decided to get off my ass and get the pictures up, enjoy this creative way of training a cat.

plasma2002.com/blenderdefender/

Thank you Ben Folds for saying what so many white boys can't

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:22:51 GMT

Let me tell y'all what it's like
Being male, middle-class and white
It's a bitch, if you don't believe
Listen up to my new CD
Sham on

I got shit runnin' through my brain
It's so intense that I can't explain
All alone in my white-boy pain
Shake your booty while the band complains

I'm rockin' the suburbs
Just like Michael Jackson did
I'm rockin' the suburbs
Except that he was talented
I'm rockin' the suburbs
I take the cheques and face the facts
That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks

I'm pissed off but I'm too polite
When people break in the McDonald's line
Mom and Dad you made me so uptight
I'm gonna cuss on the mic tonight
don't know how much I can take
Girl, give me something I can break

I'm rockin' the suburbs
Just like Quiet Riot did
I'm rockin' the suburbs
Except that they were talented
I'm rockin' the suburbs
I take the cheques and face the facts
That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks

If you didn't know what I was talking about....

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:20:27 GMT

     Yesterday and I went out to this place I like in Farmington to get my hair colored and at least trimmed. It had gotten down to my shoulders for the most part and the ends were getting a little ragged. I had been asking people for days if they thought I should cut it to the high-slanted long swing bob I have been keeping it in or leave it and let it keep growing. I had been considering letting it grow but faced with the choice I do really love how that cut looks on me, it's a good match, thought my dad has never liked my hair short, or anyone's for that matter. While there I gave in and had it cropped off again. I spent the rest of the day jumping around, practically glowing, all excited. The cut and especially the color, cap-style highlights of a dark dark brown that make my natural color look like the highlights, both turned out really well. It will grow out w/o real roots and keep my hair from taking on the mousey, greyish color it can get when left alone and from experience I know the cut grows out well also.
     Today while working in the student union my Dad dropped by. He had been attending a meeting in the library and wandered through to say hi to myself and others in the department he knows. He caught me right as I was switching labs for the day and so after talking a minute I ran off and stopped in the coffee shop for something to eat while I walked across the union mall to the library. I realized I had forgotten to show him my new hair cut and color, I knew he wouldn't like it. So I run back out into the main part of the union where he is talking with his coworker and my manager, "I forgot to harass you about my new hair, do you like it?" "No, I never have." What did I expect. Still it was like a slap across the face. I know my expression faltered for a moment and I quickly tried to look happy-grinny again, since we were in front of mutual friends, right. Then he continued "You used to have nice hair. It was all long and pretty." All I could think was, oh you mean when it was half way down my back in bleached blond fuzz that itched my own head! I mustered a "Oh come on it's a pretty color!" before running off to work.
     I brought it on myself I know but seriously, why does he hate short hair so much. My hair has never been so healthy and soft and especially so easy to take care of as it has been the last couple of years when I have been cutting it off. It take so much work to grow your hair out. When your skin is as oily as mine, mom's and Jill's you want to wash your hair every day because it feels like it is sticking to your face. When you hair gets past a certain point in length washing it damages it. I see Jill's hair right now and it looks good at the top but the ends are getting poofy because even when she just gets it trimmed he hassles her about it! She is so nice and so non-confrontational she just doesn't argue. When mine was long I trimmed it once a month myself in the mirror and it looked awful half the time. He never knew and NEVER cared, but she wants to pay someone to do it and he makes fun of her, literally mocks her in a high pitched voice for it.
     The really sad thing about this is I just sent a text message to Aaron saying I missed my long hair and to not let me cut it again, I had this weird sense of déjà vu. I think I did this last time too. On some level I was really torn between growing it out and cutting it off. I was sitting in the chair honestly still mulling it over right until the point she started snipping it off.    I ultimately cut it off because it was going to cost the same money-wise either way and I like this cut. I know that when it is long I always wear it up and when it is short I wear it around my face and it looks nicer more easily. I try to do things for me and not worry about the money or what people tell me. I just don't know at this point though what I want and it makes me nervous to think he might have that much control over something so small and unimportant but so intigral in who I am.

funny

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 21:28:48 GMT

http://science.slashdot.org/science/08/09/19/2019214.shtml

One because it is true, two because the pictures are amazing.

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:37:33 GMT

OMFG inspiration

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:54:36 GMT

I have said it before and I will say it again. There are people in this world that no matter what you put in front of them they just overcome it.

http://www.gwu.edu/~e73afram/be-nk-gbe.html

Anna Julia (Haywood) Cooper is my new hero.

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:42:14 GMT

Post Secret Fav of the week:

In a nutshell, or not really...

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 02:56:16 GMT

***Warning*** I am long winded.

I think anyone who reads this will have also read the part a while back were I said I want to get a masters in Social Work.

The first day of classes scared the shit out of me especially my Social Welfare Policy class. I spent about 3 days panicking, *literally* because it scared me so badly. The first day of classes, that night, I was freaking out and crying at Aaron's. I was afraid I would fail and the stakes got raised a lot this semester. I exceeded the hours I can get on my scholarship, if you can really call it a scholarship. So my mom, who was paying the difference for school for me, now pays the full price. The policy is with the department head, so I can't screw up. I haven't made it into the program yet, I have to prove I really deserve to be there, and hopefully deserve to get some help, cus after this, mom can't help anymore. To make it worse my mom FINALLY heard what I had been trying to say for months which was "I want a break from school, please god." So now she says, if you are going to drop them do it by the end of the week so I can get a refund. I wanted to cry, all I needed on top of all my other fears was a deadline right.

To top it all off I don't really have anyone to talk to. I mean I know people who have done what I am hoping to do, barely. I have a family, technically, though I have never fully trusted them to make or help me with the real decisions in my life or even just to talk to about personal things. I used to trust my Dad but lately he has been as cracked as my Mom. Mom I would trust in a heartbeat with money, medical records, forms and rice but not my personal life or a big decision. Dad was usually the slightly detached, no-nonsense, clear thinker that could help me work through any problem. Sense about last November he has been really emotional and a lot harder to talk to. I mean, it's not that I want him to be an ass, I just don't feel like he is stable anymore.

I have Aaron but he is no help with decisions. He is really good at giving me some totally competent answer that sounds great and shows he really cares with out ever saying more than a "I don't know." or "Do what you feel is best." Both brilliantly noncommittal and supportive. It usually makes me more frustrated but I know that he really doesn't know what to tell me and it isn't fair to push him. I said something to Aaron's dad via WoW, he is good to talk to sometimes, or at least seems like he would be but I only ever see him in person a few times a year or in the game. Unfortunately he is rather busy usually in the game and I was busy during the week and couldn't be on more to try and talk to him. As a result is spent these days wandering around in complete frustration, taking it out on people around me and wishing I had help, the usual routine. I eventually decided I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try.

The weird thing is, being scared shitless actually helped. I jumped in immediately and got all of the 20+ articles of extra reading found/copied and put in a notebook. I got reading done right away and am currently ahead. I have been participating in class and even had an on-topic anecdote for the teacher after class on Thursday. I hope it stays that way. I really enjoy the articles so I think it will. The book isn't even that bad.

In other news. Today was the birthday party for my friends baby who is turning 1; which I could hardly believe, I have seen him once since he was born. I think I posted about her before on here. She is probably the most amazing person I know. She had him a month before her 16th birthday and a few months after being kicked out of her house and getting married. Since then she has finished high school, a year early, having basically taught herself for a semester of it. Enrolled and been accepted to the U of A. Gotten Scholarships for everything with $3,000 left over. Not to mention she is an amazing and doting mother. I have known her since she was 5 years old and she has never ceased to amaze me. I can't even begin to say how proud I am of her. There are people in this world that no matter what is put in front of them they simply rise to the challenge. She is one of them, and she has taught me a lot.

Randomness Ensues

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:28:56 GMT

I been really bored at work the last few days since my class has been pretty much over. I have been so bored in fact I feel back in to some of my favorite old fanfiction in a desperate attempt to block out the fact that they keep the athletics lab like an icebox. This came to me as a reasonable question. If you have an opinion weigh in please.

View Poll: Original Emo Kid

bonheur

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:33:19 GMT

J'ai étudié le français pour quelles années? Je tombe en amoure avec la langue quand j’ai entend le phrase “Le Bonheur ne viens jamais comme on l'a imagine.”

Idea

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:54:52 GMT

I wish I had a picture of myself from every day for the last 5 years, strung together to this song, so I could really look who I have become in the eye.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8799012676571259413&q=panic+at+the+disco+hey+moon&ei=zY-PSIzrD4-irAL1tv2YDg

just stuff

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:03:34 GMT

I got a new kitten. I guess there will be pictures around later when I get around to uploading all the picks I have to show off. Jill and Tobie found her behind the IHOP next to my house. I think she was starving and living out of the dumpster. I also stepped on glass earlier in the night so I have been limping around getting the kitty fixed up. It wasn't bad so I didn't go to the hospital. Anyone know anything about Tetnes shots and if I should get one? I thought Micheal was gonna faint when he saw all the bloody water in the bathtub when I washed it off heh.

Quick Inventory

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:57:14 GMT

<3   I'm teaching myself to quilt. Making a quilt from old t-shirts backed with fleece.
<3   I finished the pillow cases I was embroidering. Will post pictures later.
<3   I realized I call him "the boy" cus he is the only boy in my equation.
<3   Sisters scholarships and such are going well. She is really working.
<3   I really miss Caroline. How bad is that. I really miss my counselor who moved.
<3   I want my "mini" sunflowers to bloom. I love sunflowers, I think it would help.
<3   One of my best friends is moving away at the end of July. I'm not ready.
<3   My class this session should be neat. Cultural Anthropology. Then I am done.
<3   My Marigolds are blooming. Will post pics of that too. My Oregano died.
<3   I am now teaching Z to embroider. She is really fun and a very good at sewing.
<3   Boy is going away for a month. Going home to visit family and such.
<3   Computer is still screwing up and has taken all the fun out of WoW for me.
<3   My parents seem worse than ever through the eyes of my sister.
<3   Going to Little Rock tonight to see if I can talk to repair people tomorrow.
<3   I am going to go a little nuts in the next month. No boy, lots of stuff to do.

An Open Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Average Pet Owner

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:56:02 GMT

An Open Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Average Pet Owner

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Average Pet Owner:

Thank you for contacting us animal rescuers, shelter volunteers, and foster-homes about your inability to keep your pet. We receive an extremely high volume of inquiries and requests to accept surrendered animals (and none of us is getting paid, OK?). To help us expedite your problem as quickly as possible, please observe the following guidelines:

1. Do not say that you are "CONSIDERING finding a good home" for your pet, or that you, "feel you MIGHT be forced to," or that you "really THINK it would be better if" you unloaded the poor beast. Ninety-five percent of you have already got your minds stone-cold made up that the animal WILL be out of your life by the weekend at the latest. Say so. If you don't, I'm going to waste a lot of time giving you common-sense, easy solutions for very fixable problems, and you're going to waste a lot of time coming up with fanciful reasons why the solution couldn't possibly work for you. For instance, you say the cat claws the furniture, and I tell you about nail-clipping and scratching posts and aversion training, and then you go into a long harangue about how your husband won't let you put a scratching post in the family room, and your ADHD daughter cries if you use a squirt bottle on the cat, and your congenital thumb abnormalities prevent you from using nail scissors and etc., etc. Just say you're getting rid of the cat.

2. Do not waste time trying to convince me how nice and humane you are. Your coworker recommended that you contact me because I am nice to animals, not because I am nice to people, and I don't like people who "get rid of" their animals. "Get rid of" is my least favorite phrase in any language. I hope someone "gets rid of" YOU someday. I am an animal advocate, not a people therapist. After all, for your ADHD daughter, you can get counselors, special teachers, doctors, social workers, etc. Your pet has only me, and people like me, to turn to in his or her need, and we are unpaid, overworked, stressed-out, and demoralized. So don't tell me this big long story about how, "We love this dog so much, and we even bought him a special bed that cost $50, and it is just KILLING us to part with him, but honestly, our maid is just awash in dog hair every time she cleans, and his breath sometimes just reeks of liver, so you can see how hard we've tried, and how dear he is to us, but we really just can't . . . ." You are not nice, and it is not killing you. It is, in all probability, literally killing your dog, but you're going to be just fine once the beast is out of your sight. Don't waste my time trying to make me like you or feel sorry for you in your plight.

3. Do not try to convince me that your pet is exceptional and deserves special treatment. I don't care if you taught him to sit. I don't care if she's a beautiful Persian. I have a waiting list of battered and/or whacked-out animals who need help, and I have no room to foster-house your pet. Do not send me long messages detailing how Fido just l-o-v-e-s blankies and carries his favorite blankie everywhere, and oh, when he gets all excited and happy, he spins around in circles, isn't that cute? He really is darling, so it wouldn't be any trouble at all for us to find him a good home. Listen, we can go down to the pound and count the darling, spinning, blankie-loving beasts on death row by the dozens, any day of the week. And, honey, Fido is a six-year-old Shepherd-Lab mix. I am not lying when I tell you that big, older, mixed-breed, garden-variety dogs are almost completely unadoptable, and I don't care if they can whistle Dixie or send semaphore signals with their blankies. What you don't realize is that, though you're trying to lie to me, you're actually telling the truth: Your pet is a special, wonderful, amazing creature. But this mean old world does not care. More importantly, YOU do not care, and I can't fix that problem.

All I can do is grieve for all the exceptional animals who live short, brutal, loveless lives and die without anyone ever recognizing that they were indeed very, very special.

4. Finally, just, for God' s sake, for the animal's sake, tell the truth, and the whole truth. Do you think that if you just mumble that your cat is "high-strung," I will say, "Okey-doke! No prob!" and take it into foster care? No, I will start a asking questions and uncover the truth, which is that your cat has not used a litter box in the last six months. Do not tell me that you "can't" crate your dog. I will ask what happens when you try to crate him, and you will either be forced to tell me the symptoms of full-blown, severe separation anxiety, or else you will resort to lying some more, wasting more of our time.

And, if you succeed in placing your pet in a shelter or foster care, do not tell yourself the biggest lie of all: "Those nice people will take him and find him a good home, and everything will be fine." Those nice people will indeed give the animal every possible chance, but if we discover serious health or behavior problems, if we find that your misguided attempts to train or discipline him have driven him over the edge, we will do what you are too immoral and cowardly to do: We will hold the animal in our arms, telling him truthfully that he is a good dog or cat, telling him truthfully that we are sorry and we love him, while the vet ends his life. How can we be so heartless as to kill your pet, you ask? Do not ever dare to judge us.

At least we tried. At least we stuck with him to the end. At least we never abandoned him to strangers, as you certainly did, didn't you? In short, this little old rescuer/foster momma has reached the point where she would prefer you pet owners to tell her stories like this:

"We went to Wal-Mart and picked up a free pet in the parking lot a couple of years ago. Now we don't want it anymore. We're lazier than we thought. We've got no patience either. We're starting to suspect the animal is really smarter than we are, which is giving us self-esteem issues. Clearly, we can't possibly keep it. Plus, it might be getting sick; it's acting kind of funny.

"We would like you to take it in eagerly, enthusiastically, and immediately. We hope you'll realize what a deal you're getting and not ask us for a donation to help defray your costs. After all, this is an (almost) pure-bred animal, and we'll send the leftover food along with it. We get it at Wal-Mart too, and boy, it's a really good deal, price-wise.

"We are very irritated that you haven't shown pity on us in our great need and picked the animal up already. We thought you people were supposed to be humane! Come and get it today. No, we couldn't possibly bring it to you; the final episode of "Survivor II" is on tonight."

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Pet Owner, for your cooperation.

Author Unknown, but could be any shelter worker or rescue worker.

I found this open ended anonymous letter on the pet forums I have begun to frequent. www.paw-talk.net for anyone interested, I promise most of the time it is not nearly so serious but they are fun people who give good animal advice when you need it. I have been really enjoying them as a place to go read when I am passing time at work, also few other places are going to coo quite so much when you post updated photos of the kitty! Since this is both long and kind of harsh figured a cut was appropriate. Some people might find it offensive but I don't even know anyone that would fall into the category of people described by this letter! At least I hope not. A-kon stuff next time I update, gotta upload piccies. Got a cute one of me for once lol!!!! And of course lots of cosplay pics....

Anime and Pot Roast

Wed, 28 May 2008 03:50:57 GMT

I made a pot roast this weekend and it was really good. I thought I would post the recipe, with commentary for an amusing adventure in cooking for anyone else interested. This will either feed 7-10 people or provide a lot of yummy leftovers. Pot roast reheats well. :) If anyone has any advice on this one let me know too cus plenty of this is guesswork and I'll take it!

30 minutes or so prep time (more or less depending on awakeness and experience with cooking) plus 4 hours cook time preferably.

5 pounds of chuck roast (or other appropriate beef)
1 bottle red wine, 1.5 cups for roast rest for you so your preference (I used a Merlot by Barefoot, $8)
1 onion (vedalea or however you spell it, yellow)
3 baking potatoes
About a half of a bag of baby carrots
1of those pods of garlic, most of that yeah
Fresh thyme and rosemary to taste (about 1/8 cup each cleaned and chopped for me, strong)
1 can Swansons beef broth
3 tablespoons flour
salt, pepper, butter, olive oil

You'll want to prepare all of the veggies and stuff before starting (just mentioning to be safe) but not the potatoes. Oh an you'll want to open the wine in advance, and make sure your cork screw isn't still at your boyfriends house, that's good too. My sister and her BFF helped me with all this. I like to smash garlic with a small flat bottomed bowl, they had too much fun with that. It also took all three of us to get the wine open. I consider this a group recipe. :)

Put your pot on the stove and turn it on to about medium, add some olive oil sear beef on all sides, I used two pieces so it took a while. Set that aside on a separate plate or something. Add some butter when it is melted and foamy add the onions. Let the onions slowly turn clearish, you can add the garlic with the onions or with the herbs later. When the onions are good and sweaty add the herbs and stir them til they are coated on the oil and butter as well. Ad the flour, which for me was one heaping scoop and some more with my fingers. You'll want to add it slowly so it doesn't clump too badly. About the time you finish adding the flour you want to go ahead and pour the can of beef broth and about a cup and a half of the wine either can go first, I think this is called deglazing. Put the beef back in and add about half the bag of baby carrots (for me, not a big fan, if you like them, dump in the whole bag!) also salt and pepper to taste. Now you can pop the lid on and put it in the oven at 325 for about 2 hours.

Put on a movie, make everyone who is helping try the wine and when they all go "eeewww bitter" dump it in with the roast. When you get bored of the movie peel and cut up the potatoes in big chunks and add them at the 2 hour mark with some more salt cus they soak it up. Let cook 2 more hours and you you are good to go!

Couple more things. I like to turn the heat up the second two hours (so it may take less time, just watch it) so that I can make bread at the same time on another shelf. Pilsbury makes a canned French loaf that is not really French but takes about 26 minutes at 375, let cool a couple of minutes cut down the middle, spread with garlic butter and put back in for a few more for really good garlic bread. You can have the garlic butter just sitting on the stove to soften while the loaf bakes which makes it even easier. Also the ton of broth makes the beef really moist then you can strain it off for gravy and make mashed potatoes or something else if you want. Or make beef stew in a few days with the left over beef and broth.

All this stuff was a big hit so hopefully anyone who tries this will also like it.

And for those not interested in the recipe, I was cooking for Brooke Shock and Courtney Shreve, owners of Realms Anime here in town and a few others because they had their convention this past Saturday. The convention was set up very similarly to the one they held back in November just at a different location. Last time I was the next in charge after Brooke and Courtney, I was very involved in the set-up and planning and did all kinds of organizing and pretty much whatever needed to be done the day of the event. This is not said to overshadow the efforts of anyone else involved weather they were from Sugoi! or not because these efforts were massive including on the part of our own taurusbombshell who was pretty much equally involved just had different responsibilities. I just wanted to make it clear how involved and attached I was to this thing. As a result I was very sad when I was pretty much not able to be involved at all in the one that happened a few days ago.

Planning began in December while I was out of town and continued through my nightmarish semester where I continued to be unable to help. So my little way of giving back, now that finals were over and things were sorted, was to offer to feed everyone after the event was over, because unfortunately I had to be somewhere else the day of and since I knew that they would be putting in a 18 or more hour day then coming back on Sunday to pack up further. For the record I plan to be involved in their future events and yes they do plan to continue to have two conventions a year. Apparently a survey of the crowd at this last one showed that most of them had not been at the first one and for the most part had not ever been to a convention. However when the question was asked who had heard about the one in November they literally went nuts!

Originally I was unsure of how this one would go for many reasons, it is during high convention season, people have other, bigger options being my main concern but also that they would not be interested so soon after the one in November.

View Poll: Arkansas Anime Festival

WAY past due.

Mon, 26 May 2008 21:35:56 GMT

Ok I have been motivated by a recent stalker to update this thing and try and let people know why I have been so completely absent lately. Those of you who know my in real life know I have been hiding for a little while. Reasons I have been freaking out and why they are not so scary anymore.

1.) I was almost done with school and terrified I wouldn't pull it off not to mention, my teacher seemed to hate me so my fear was justified.
BUT! It's ok cus, I passed and since I only have two core classes left that I am taking right now, I am good to go for a full time job or maybe grad school.

2.) My boyfriend of almost 2 years who has made me have hope for long term relationships again has been depressed, I have been withdrawing with him.
BUT! It's ok cus we are working it out and we are still going strong. June 13 makes 2 years! So long as we are both in it, we'll be ok.

3.) I found out just before spring break I might have glaucoma. I have had high eye pressure for years and I spent about 4 weeks scared shitless.
BUT! It's ok because I do have it but they caught it before any vision loss and so long as I treat it I "should die at 99 with perfect vision" except for that whole nearsighted thing.

4.) I have been nervous about trusting people and spent some time in counseling this last semester. If I hadn't talked to you in more than two weeks I pretty much thought you hated me.
BUT! We I finally not only found a counselor I trusted (for once) but we worked through a lot of me problems really fast, in part because she says I am good at this stuff and turned me on to the idea of becoming a counselor myself. So that is why I might go to grad school. Hooray for accidentally finding purpose. :)

That about sums up most of the last year. Thank you random new stalker. Hopefully I'll see a few of you at a-kon next week.

I really need some new material.

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 20:10:31 GMT

I can not believe it is the first of August!!! I have the rest of today, tomorrow and Friday left. Then I go home. That is 64 days ladies and gentlemen. That is 2 months and I wish that had fully sunk in before I left. So now I am going to combine pictures from last week with a quick tour of people.

Ok in this picture we have Frederick, or Neo, a student, and the two people who run this whole school. In other words this picture has the three people who are most responsible for me, as Neo, Trinity and Agent Smith. Well I feel safe! No really they do a great job, everyone here does.

Oh and these are the people I seem to hang out with the most. Don't ask me why. Anyways, more later but the evening is about to commence.