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P.S. For anyone worried about me because of a depressing post such as this, don't be. Usually a long rant in person or a even a post online, on my part completes contemplation and precedes action. I have sorted my thoughts, hopefully I am already acting on them by the time anyone reads this. :: +Memory :: Tell a Friend :: 1 reply :: Reply
*WARNING SAD POST* "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409 And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me Away from me Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself 'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die" So who's going to watch you die?.. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ These guys are true emo, capturing a moment and it's emotion perfectly. When I hear that song, I think of when my Grandma died. Also I think of what my dad told me about when she died. She had a stroke and afterwords she smiled at him and only half her face worked right. So, half her face lit up when saw him and he knew it wasn't really her anymore. He said that when they had to make the choice to pull the plug on the machine it wasn't hard because they already know she was gone. The hard part was seeing her try to smile at them, and knowing she didn't know who they were anymore. They say that when people find out they have some sort of terminal illness they really begin to live. My Grandma knew already that she had cancer and it helped her decide to come to Arkansas and live with my family for a while. In a way, only in death did I really have a part of her life. I hear that song, 'what Sarah said', and I think about how I might not make it anymore without my Daddy because he is my rock, and my wisdom and my voice of reason we just understand each other. My Mom has been sick most of her life and I guess you could say that she has sort of prepared me for the idea of losing her. I depend on her for a lot but the idea has been in my head as long as I can remember that she might not be there later, when or if I get married or have my own kids. My Dad on the other hand I never worried about as much, so when the realization hit me it was wholey new. I guess you could say that it was like deja vu but sadder. Total 96 ( Full List )
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed. 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children. 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children. 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans. That the freckles in our eyes Are mirror images And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned And I have to speculate That God Himself did make Us into corresponding shapes Like puzzle pieces from the clay And true it may seem like a stretch But it's thoughts like this that catch My troubled head when you're away When I am missing you to death When you are out there on the road For several weeks of shows And when you scan the radio I hope this song will guide you home They will see us waving from such great heights "Come down now" they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away "Come down now" but we'll stay I've tried my best to leave This all on your machine But the persistent beat It sounded thin upon listening And that frankly will not fly You'll hear the shrillest highs And lowest lows with the windows down When this is guiding you home They will see us waving from such great heights "Come down now" they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away "Come down now" but we'll stay
I am currently on a diet you see, I have been eating better than I ever have in my life before and I have only managed to get my weight to level off. I have put on more than 30 pounds since I got in to college and most of that in the last 3 years. For about the last year I have been napping in the daytime, sleeping past 10, having trouble "popping out of bed" when the alarm goes off and feeling exausted even after 8 or 9 or more hours of sleep. Some of those things may seem normal to you but for me, they are not normal at all. I am a morning person, I get upset if I sleep past 11, it means I am sick, I slept in til noon on Sunday without a second thought later. That is not normal for me. There are a whole list of smaller connectable symptoms including high tryglicorides and cholesterol. These things can all be connected but also may stand on their own. Last week, the health center called me with the results. They told me that my T3T4 was 'extremely low', but my TSH was 'normal' and these things didn't really match up. They didn't give me numbers over the phone, I was supposed to follow up with them. Well, I told my mom what was going on and she ordered tests at her own doctors clinic. I woke up at the crack of dawn to have blood drawn Monday and went in at 3:45 to go over the results yesterday. Anyways, here is the technical stuff. According to the standard diagnosis of thyroid disease, in this case hypothyroidism or failure of the thyroid gland to produce T3T4 compounds that help to regulate your metabolism, your TSH level or the level of the hormone your brain uses to talk to your thyroid gland should be high, because the gland is not responding so the brain sends stronger signals, so to speak. High is defined as 5.0 or more (not sure what that measures exactly, sorry science nerds). It turns out my TSH is at 3.8, so not 5.0 or over. Now the doctor that I was seeing yesterday keeps up on his endocrynology. He has a lot of patients with thyroid and pancriatic problems of all types. He said that there is a whole school of thought that says that 5.0 is much too high, especially since different people have different metabolisms and factors effecting their metabolisms. This in mind he pulled up a TSH test on my from about 2 years ago on record that showed me at 1.0. That is a big increase for 2 years. Between that, family history and all the symptoms from above he said he didn't think it was rash at all to believe that my thyroid is in the process of failing but is still functioning some and has put me on a very low dose of synthroid or synthetic thyroid. I am going to take and go back after 2 months for another full work up. It will take about 2 months for these doses to show a change in the brain chemistry/TSH levels. Then we'll be sure. All I have to say is three, life long treatment plans in less than a year. Glaucoma, migraines and now this. How much am I supposed to take? I also keep expecting people to think I am a drama queen or not want me because I am too much trouble or something. Like it is my fault that I got dealt a crappy genetic hand.
plasma2002.com/blenderdefender/ Being male, middle-class and white It's a bitch, if you don't believe Listen up to my new CD Sham on I got shit runnin' through my brain It's so intense that I can't explain All alone in my white-boy pain Shake your booty while the band complains I'm rockin' the suburbs Just like Michael Jackson did I'm rockin' the suburbs Except that he was talented I'm rockin' the suburbs I take the cheques and face the facts That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks I'm pissed off but I'm too polite When people break in the McDonald's line Mom and Dad you made me so uptight I'm gonna cuss on the mic tonight don't know how much I can take Girl, give me something I can break I'm rockin' the suburbs Just like Quiet Riot did I'm rockin' the suburbs Except that they were talented I'm rockin' the suburbs I take the cheques and face the facts That some producer with computers fixes all my shitty tracks     |
